I. The Beginning

My dearest reader,

If you have happened to find your way to my corner of the Internet, hello and welcome! My name is Ryan and I’m glad you’re here.

I love the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) and the underlying theory behind it. In the MBTI there are sixteen different personality types. This comes from a combination of having introverted/extroverted, intuitive/sensing, feeling/thinking and judging/prospective qualities. I am an INFJ, which means I am Intoverted, iNtuitive, Feeling and Judging. This also happens to be the rarest of the sixteen types, with only less than one percent of the population sharing this combination of traits with me.

There’s a little bit of who I am, now here’s why I decided to start the blog. It’s no surprise that I am a little different than most other people because of how rare my type is. Some call me quirky, others flat-out tell me that they think I’m crazy or weird. It’s true that I do have quirks, but I feel like most people don’t have all of the information about me to see who I really am (although many times I am the one that withholds that information in the first place!). Regardless, I think that a common theme among INFJs is a strong feeling of being misunderstood, and having a desire to have people in their life that understand what’s going on in our complex minds.

So that’s why I’m here– in the hopes that one person will stumble across this blog and understand how the brain of an INFJ works a little better, whether my reader is one of the other 15 MTBI types or an INFJ in the process of learning about themselves. I should probably throw up some disclaimers before I start talking about things: I am not an expert on type theory, and all of my experiences are anecdotal. My situations will most likely not be exactly identical to yours (although if you are or know an INFJ you might see some similarities). I am merely just talking about the thought process of my own mind and how I deal with situations in this roller coaster of a ride we call life.

What I write about on any given day depends on how I feel, but there will some definite themes I will discuss at some point. A little bit more on the qualities and relative strengths/weaknesses of the INFJ. The infamous INFJ doorslam. My experiences with other MTBI types. Why we can seem so aloof and then suddenly be completely open with someone. Why we are able to read people’s motives and feelings with an almost psychic accuracy, yet can have a great deal of trouble figuring out what our own feelings are. Our sensitivity, our need for perfectionism. Why we can seem like quiet extroverts. Why we burn out. Why we need to withdraw from the world and people realize we’re not extroverts anymore. Why our decisions can sometimes be so cold and calculated when we are normally known for our emotions and sense of caring. I will cover all of these seeming paradoxes and many more, but I also want to cover what makes an INFJ special. Our ability to set goals, have a vision of how to accomplish them, and work relentlessly until those goals come to fruition. Our ability to pick up on the most subtle cues to figure out someone close to us is in pain, and how we know just the right things to say and do to make them feel better. Our silly side underneath the layer of seriousness.

The nice thing about a blog is that I can tell you all these deep things without tripping myself up. It’s a nice medium for introverts, and INFJs especially, as we are known for our ability to write. I might go into some other things that aren’t necessarily MTBI things as well. I might tell stories and maybe even write a few poems, who knows. All in all, my goal is to let the Internet see that way that I/we think so there’s more of an understanding between us all. We’re a bit tricky to get out of our shells, but you’ll never find a more caring, compassionate, thoughtful friend anywhere else. This is the beginning, and I’m so excited to start sharing my thoughts. Please feel free to comment with questions or suggestions on what to write about. Again, welcome to my page, and I hope you enjoy!

Seize the day!
Ryan
9 October 2016 10:36 AM

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17 thoughts on “I. The Beginning

    • Thank you so much for stopping by, and thank you for your comment as well🙂

      I think there is something inherent in the INFJ personality that causes us to seek out meaning for who we are. Although we make up less than 1% of the population, the statistics for INFJ queries on search engines are disproportionately high. Perhaps it is a continual feeling of being misunderstood. I think it’s important to realize that understanding ourselves is infinitely more important than anyone else understanding us. We are different from most people, but you know what? That is okay. We are allowed to be happy with who we are, even if we are not like a lot of other people in many ways. Hopefully my further blog post will help other INFJs realizes they are not alone, and that their differences are many times assets because of how rare we are.

      Again, thank you for the feedback, and I hope you continue to stop by my little corner of the Internet🙂

      Seize the day!
      Ryan

      Liked by 1 person

      • I agree with everything you said. Even my closest friends don’t get me sometimes. Its not a good feeling to be “weird” and misunderstood, but it helps to know why now.

        I learned to keep the intuitive side to myself. I’ve even ignored it myself and chalked it up to being paranoid. I’m learning to listen to that “little voice” or “gut feeling” now that I understand it better.

        I’ve been called obsessive because of my need to know the “whys” of certain situations…”needy” because I try to understand what others are feeling…and the door slam makes so much more sense now. Didn’t even know there was a name for it much less why I give so many chances to people before turning “cold” and giving up. I’m excited to follow your blog, but you know that because when you find others who think the same way…it’s a good thing!

        Liked by 1 person

        • I am just a young person trying to figure life out, but if you want my advice (INFJs love to give advice!), it would be to always listen to that little voice telling you what to do. We are “built” to take in information from our environment and process the possible outcomes with an accuracy some would call psychic. A very large majority of my regrets stem from going against what my gut feeling told me to do. I’ve learned to trust my intuition completely, even if others do not understand it. They are not configured like we are, and we shouldn’t have to change ourselves to accommodate their understanding. The best thing to do is to love yourself, and try to find other people who are willing to appreciate you for who you are. The Internet is nice for that– it’s how you found me, isn’t it? 🙂

          These first few posts have just been making sure everyone is on the same page with different aspects of type theory. From here on out I’ll eventually be able to go into deeper things like the infamous INFJ door slam and why we seem to contradict ourselves so much. It’s my hope that the research I have done (although I am no means a professional) will help others realize, “Oh, THAT’S why I acted that way in the past! I never knew until now!”.

          As for your last paragraph, I will make two suggestions: surround yourself with people the appreciate you for who you are, and set boundaries. Yes, most people that we shut the door on deserve it. But what is different about the tenth awful thing someone says/does to you than the ninth, eighth and so on? A lot of times we don’t stop someone initially because we are naturally conflict averse. Eventually we hit emotional overload and shut everything out. In other words, yes, sometimes shutting someone out is completely necessary, but many times we don’t stop those people by setting boundaries. All of the sudden we just stop talking to them and they don’t know why– they didn’t do anything different than before. That is something that I am working on as well, and definitely something I will go into detail about in future blog posts. Stay tuned.

          Anyway, that’s my two cents about all of that. Let me know what you think.

          Seize the day!
          Ryan

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  1. I agree with everything you said. In my case I feel like in some instances I try to “fix” things or understand situations to the point that those people dismiss me as being needy and the only option left is for me to close the door by vowing to stop and never speak to them again. I do it for them as well as myself.

    The few times I’ve felt this way dealt with men I was seeing. Looking back I can see my intuition was right from the beginning and I let my emotions (which we already know…it’s hard for us to figure out our own emotions) confuse me and I ignored or dismissed my intuition that was warning me all along. Again there’s the whole misunderstood thing…the guys think I’m “crazy” or “needy” when all I’m doing is trying to figure things out due to inconsistencies. I let them in, which I rarely do and it’s harder to let go when you’re trying to makes sense of everything. I like to think it’s because they were so good at hiding who they were, but I know it was my failure to listen to the little voice saying “something’s not right here”. I became emotionally invested in the relationship and I told her to “shut up. You’re being paranoid”. Never again!

    I think relationships are hard for INFJs for this reason and very few people understand it. That’s where my few close friends will say “just stop and let it go” I can let it go, but I have a need to understand why I’m letting go. Had I listened to my intuition instead of ignoring it and letting my emotions rule, I could have saved myself a lot of heartache. I hope all that made sense and I don’t sound crazy or weird to another INFJ!

    With relationships (2) I go to the extreme before closing the door. With friendships (2) I close the door quietly and sometimes they don’t even realize it.

    I look forward to reading your take on this and the INFJ door slam and the contradictions to ourselves when you finally blog about it.

    I can count on one hand the number of friends who accept me for who I am. They don’t understand the way I think completely, but they love me just the same. Everyone else I hide a lot of myself from because I don’t want to deal with their judgement.

    One of my favorite things to hear from people when I do voice an opinion is “how did you know that” after something I said becomes fact. I’ve even had a few come back and say “what do you think is going to happen now”? They may not understand it, but they realize I wasn’t crazy after all. Small victories!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Don’t worry, it all made sense to me. When two INFJs are talking, crazy and weird things suddenly become normal 🙂

      It’s funny though, because “if that makes sense” is a big part of my vocabulary, too. I think that it’s a product of our desire to find someone that understands. Most of the time, if I have to check with people that what I said just made sense to them, I get looks of confusion. Every once in a while I get someone that says, “Yeah, that makes perfect sense.”. Those people are fast friends to me, haha.

      I think we can tend to ignore our intuition when we are desperate for a deep connection. We start to look for a significant other in every person we meet, even if that means ignoring all of the red flags along the way. We can sometimes get so invested in a one-sided relationship that we are willing to overlook all of the obvious signs just to maintain our illusion of having someone that cares. Then, when we finally snap out of our delusion, we just shut them out. However, it all could have been avoided if we just listened to our intuition and realized that this person isn’t a great fit for us.

      For all of the ways the world seems to be against us, we also have many special abilities we should cherish– our intuition being the main one. Our ability to read people and situations is second to none. Usually after the first or second time of predicting future events to a T people start to catch on, even if they don’t understand how or why we do it (not that we understand why at times either!).

      But for all of the things that you’ve said, consider yourself understood. And it makes me happy to say that, because I know that being understood is the best feeling in the world for people like us 🙂

      If you have any other topics that you would like me to write about, please let me know! I’d love to hear what direction people want me to take this. Have a great weekend!

      Seize the day!
      Ryan

      Liked by 1 person

        • I hope you continue to stop by and read more of my thoughts! Starting from today’s post on is going to be more on both the INFJ and myself personally. I hope you continue to leave comments on my posts because this has been a great discussion! Talk to you later!

          Seize the day!
          Ryan

          Liked by 1 person

          • Most definitely!! I’m now following you after I found a way to do so. There’s a glitch in the app that won’t let me follow anyone unless they follow me first?!?!

            I’ve enjoyed our discussion as well and look forward to more in the future! You may regret asking me to continue to leave more comments tho…I’m a talker when I write! Lol. But then you already know that about us INFJs!!

            Liked by 1 person

            • I am well aware of what I am getting into, there’s nothing more an INFJ likes than writing about themselves 🙂 I’m glad that I found someone that can “keep up”, though. I look forward to reading your insights in the future!

              Seize the day!
              Ryan

              Liked by 1 person

  2. This is such a relief. This blog seems so alike me. Now I can proudly announce that I’m not the omly weird individual, now I have a reason for my behaviour.

    Thankyou very much, I recently took that MBTI test and found out some characters relating to the INFJ type. I’d definitely want to know myself better. I am yearning for understanding myself. Keep writimg more. Good to know you, Ryan. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your comment, it is much appreciated 🙂

      I remember the period of time where I just felt like I didn’t have a place. Once I took the MBTI test, however, everything changed. There was a reason for feeling out of place, and that was because I was the rarest personality type. That point onward was the beginning of a journey to understand myself, and I hope that I can share some of my findings with those seeking themselves out as well!

      I want to continue to put out content every day, so if you feel inclined, please give me a follow! I also feel that my post today will help you understand yourself a bit more. Read it here and let me know what you think: https://themindofaninfj.wordpress.com/2016/10/15/vii-so-what-is-an-infj-anyway-part-two/

      Again, thank you for your comment, I hope to continue to see you around, and have a great rest of your weekend 🙂

      Seize the day!
      Ryan

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I found your blog after you found mine, and I’m glad I did!

    I do believe that sometimes personalities can change and that’s because of what I’ve noticed about myself over the past few years. Three years back when I took the test, I was an INFP which make up 3% of the population, I believe. since I’ve changed quite some, I took the test again recently and was concluded as an INFJ, and EVERYTHING I read about this personality type relates to me. I’ve been going around and have been looking to understand myself better and I’m so glad I found your blog as I think this would help me. I even have a pinterest board for INFJ!

    In fact, when I realised that I wasn’t an INFP anymore, I thought that my personality type would be more common and hence I would find more people like me, but turned out that I’m in a group of even more rare people.

    I guess this is another example of us being a paradox. I want to belong and find people like me and be understood a lot, but I also revel in the fact that I’m unique and that 1 in a 100 people are like me. I like blending in, but I also love standing out.

    I will mostly binge-read all your posts now, and I look forward to any future posts!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. How many times have I thought to myself…”Man, I just feel like a misfit… I would even feel like a misfit On the flippin’ Island of Misfits!” xD

    At first, when I started studying Astrology in a casually serious manner, lol it started to unravel the mystery a bit! Then, when I came across MBTI back in November ’16, and got INFJ result? O. M. G. it was like the final pieces fell into place! So, I’m NOT crazy?! (well ok, maybe I am, but in a totally fun, harmless way :P)

    Glad to have stumbled up on your blog in search of some answers.
    Cheers!
    GreenEyedDreamer

    Like

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