VIII. Sonder

The Mind of an INFJ7 Comments

Hey, dearest reader! Hope your weekend has been going well.

When you’re driving down the road, what do you think about? Most likely you tend to think about making sure your directions are taking you to the right place, (hopefully) obeying traffic laws and watching out for cars around you.

But do you ever think about the people in those cars that pass you by?

This is where the idea of sonder comes in. One definition of sonder is “n. the realization that each passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own”.

I think that we often get so caught up with our own lives and problems that we don’t usually think about how every total stranger we see has a story just like we do.

So let’s get back to our driving situation. Where do you think all of those people are going? Most of them are probably going to and from school/work, but I bet you’ve passed by some more interesting stories without even knowing it as well. Perhaps the reason you saw a car blow by you so fast one time was because a husband was driving his wife to the hospital, and they were about to have their first child. Maybe that person you saw the other day was going to a relative’s funeral, or maybe they were going to their best friend’s wedding.

Crazy to think about, isn’t it?

I will be the first to admit that I can be so absorbed in my own little world that I don’t even pay attention to something that’s right in front of my face. I do sometimes like to think about those people driving past me, though. I also ask myself if any stranger has ever wondered where I was heading to on a particular day, or what my life was like.

The interesting thing is that you just never know.

Seize the day!
Ryan
16 October 2016 11:18 AM

7 thoughts on “VIII. Sonder”

  1. Hii Ryan! This is quite an interesting thought, I’d try this the next time I am travelling. And true, at times we get so absorbed in our thoughts, this happens very very very often with me. And sometimes this makes me think like I’m such a selfish girl, I don’t care about my own people, but I just can’t focus on others. :/

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    • Thank you for your comment, it is much appreciated 🙂

      I can be very guilty of that as well. I attribute it to our dominant function, introverted intuition (Ni). Not only is Ni an introverted function– or directed toward the inner self– its job is to process the many possible reasons for something happening and outcomes of future events. If we’re not careful we can just get swept away into our own world for a long time.

      It is important that we maintain good relationships though, for the sake of our extraverted feeling (Fe) function. I am still actively working to solve this problem myself, but the concept of mindfulness has really been helping me. I will definitely write about it in more detail in the future, but essentially, it is making an effort to consciously focus only on the present moment. That way we can actually pay attention to the people we care about. Look for a post about mindfulness in the near future 🙂

      Seize the day!
      Ryan

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      • Yeah, I am so glad to have found your blog. This makes me understand myself better. I will be waiting for more of your posts. And btw, I took the test and it said, INFJ.
        I don’t know if I should jump with joy or worry about being one. 😹

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        • I figured if you agreed with a lot of the stuff on here your results would match up. I’m glad you are able to walk with me on this journey of self-understanding 🙂

          You are who you are, so I say be excited about it! There is no reason to change yourself for anyone else, because that is not the path that leads to happiness. My advice would be to strive to grow every day, and just enjoy life as who you really are 🙂

          Seize the day!
          Ryan

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