XVII. Can INFJs Ever Find Their Soulmate?

Hello, dearest reader!

Today I will reflect on a question I ask myself every day. When, if ever, will I findย the one?

I will admit that I am young, and I have time to figure these things out, but I am scared nonetheless. I see some acquaintances that are able to bounce from significant other to significant other with ease, and then I look at myself. I’ve never dated anyone before, despite my confidence in being able to take care of other people’s feelings, despite many people telling me I deserve someone that will treat me right.

So I do what I always do, and that’s ask a bunch of questions. Self-reflection (and in some cases, self-pity) is the INFJ way. Why are other people able to find significant others so easily, even when they have a reputation of treating people horribly? When will someone actually be interested in me instead of saying they hope I find someone else? And the scariest question yet: Will I have to settle?

Relationships are hard. There are so many factors that go into compatibility and everything has to be just right. I think my first challenge is that my personality type comprises less than 1% of the population. The simple fact is most people are not going to be on the same wavelength as me. In fact, the only two girls I’ve been truly in love with (beyond infatuation) were the only two INFJs I’ve met in my life– go figure.

I just wish I could meet myself from a girl’s perspective, ya know? So I can see the way I act and the signals I give off. I wonder if I’m aloof or too emotionally intense.

I don’t wan’t to be alone for the rest of my life, but I feel like settling for someone that I don’t truly love would cause me even more pain. But then again, I can be so perfectionistic I don’t know if I can be completely satisfied. I dunno. Although I still have plenty of time to meet people, I can’t help but wonder when my time will come.

What are all of your experiences about the idea of soulmates? I would love to read your stories in the comments section. Talk to you all soon!

Seize the day!
Ryan
1 November 2016 6:26 PM

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22 thoughts on “XVII. Can INFJs Ever Find Their Soulmate?

  1. I am INFP but share a lot of your worries too. I have honestly given up on the idea of a soul mate. With my ‘hermit’ nature it is quite difficult to go out and connect with people. I don’t know if you feel the same way, but I like being alone and there is this fear that if a person comes to my life they won’t be able to understand that! But there are phases where I am really afraid of ending up all alone

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your comment, it is much appreciated! ๐Ÿ™‚

      It does not surprise me that INFPs might feel the same way, because we both seem to have that inner sense of idealism.

      I think a person will never be happy in life unless they are happy with themselves. As I am sure we have all seen, marriage does not necessarily equal happiness. Perhaps we should focus more on self-improvement and enjoying life than worrying about these things.

      Seize the day!
      Ryan

      Liked by 1 person

  2. All the INFJS I know find their life partner relatively late! Is it because it takes a long time to realise there is no “one” person who is your perfect soulmate and that it’s more about finding and accepting yourself and the courage to commit to someone less than perfect?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your comment, it is much appreciated! ๐Ÿ™‚

      That is very comforting to know, thank you for sharing. As I said in my post, I am still fairly young and have a lot to learn about the world.

      It does not surprise me that the INFJs you know find their significant other relatively late in their lives. Perhaps your theory is correct. I’m scared of “settling” for an unhappy relationship even more than I desire to be with someone. I’m beginning to not worry about this as much anymore, though. I’m learning to just be who I am and let the people that value my time show the effort. Maybe that’s the better way to go about it.

      Seize the day!
      Ryan

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’ve never met a male infj before. My partner is an estp- completely the opposite of me! But he balances out my typical infj intensity and I find that beneficial albeit frustrating sometimes that he sees things more simply than I do!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi Ryan,

    Fellow INFJ here, writing to you from my dining room table while my husband scrubs up the dishes in the kitchen. He’s an ESTJ, and while it’s true that there’s sometimes a tug-of-war between some of our personality traits, it’s also true that we enjoy, support, and surprise each other.

    We INFJs are a rare breed, no bones about it, but we aren’t doomed to a lifetime of being misunderstood. When self-awareness meets an open mind, understanding is sure to follow!

    About soulmates…like you, I never dated anyone until I met my husband, but I didn’t feel a shortage of soulmates (yes, plural). I’m dropping a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson here; it blew my little INFJ mind the first time I read it:

    “We are associated in adolescent and adult life with some friends who, like skies and waters,are coextensive with our idea; who, answering each to a certain affection of the soul, satisfy our desire on that side; whom we lack power to put at such focal distance from us that we can mend or even analyze them. We cannot choose but love them.”

    Okay, so it’s a very grandiose quote, right? I could pick it apart for hours!

    But I think one of the lines in the middle “who, answering each to a certain affection of the soul, satisfy our desire on that side…” is particularly interesting in the context of soulmates. Perhaps there is not one supreme “soulmate” who can answer every affection of our soul. Perhaps, instead, life gives us a collection or series of soulmates (many of them platonic), each of whom fulfill one of our soul’s needs.

    If that is the case, maybe you just haven’t found the soulmate who answers your soul’s romantic need (no worries, she will arrive and you will walk on sunshine). But if you look around you, you might find that you have a number of soulmates who delight you and sympathize with different facets of you.

    Sorry for the super long letter; classic INFJ! I’m looking forward to reading more of your posts, and I wish you peace and progress.

    -MM

    Liked by 4 people

    • Thank you for your comment, it is much appreciated! There is no need to apologize for long posts! Hearing from you all is what I love the most about doing this. ๐Ÿ™‚

      As I’ve said, I am young and I have much to learn. I was hoping that some older INFJs would be able to impart some wisdom and I’m definitely glad they did!

      I think what you said about having multiple soulmates is so accurate. I have found quite a few people that I know will be lifelong friends that fill some of my soul’s desires. As you’ve said, the one missing piece to the puzzle is the romantic aspect. I feel like a relationship is really a place to test who you are and grow with someone else. Perhaps those desires are more mature for my age. Maybe everyone else is worried about having fun and I’m thinking about someone to go steady with. All I know is that I’m going to stop searching and let love find me, because it truly does seem to be spontaneous.

      That quote is great! I love quotes so much– is that an INFJ thing?

      Anyway, I appreciate the in-depth post, it means a lot to me! Take care.

      Seize the day!
      Ryan

      Liked by 2 people

      • Thank you! I’m glad my words meant something to you!

        I agree that letting love find you is the best way to go about things. I was completely taken by surprise when love found me (if anything, I had been actively avoiding the romantic scene). What a ride life can take us on!

        Wishing you a sky full of aligned stars,

        MM

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I think about this sometimes too. I’m afraid of never being able to connect with someone because I’m the kind of person who it takes a while to get to know – because I suck at talking literally XD but hopefully one day I’ll meet someone who will take the time to get to know me.
    I think sometimes it’s almost better to have someone different to you in a relationship because whilst you may not fully understand one another you work together better. If you’re similar it would be difficult to solve problems you both have (e.g. being quite private) whereas if you were with someone extroverted they would bring you out of that shell.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m an infj and my husband is an enfp. Despite being an extrovert, because we have the two traits in common, we are like a Ying yang. But I do think because of my personality, it’s tough regardless. He literally has to fish my emotions out of me, which I prefer to mull over. It took a while to find my soulmate, but I do believe we all have someone. It happens when you least expect it!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your comment, it is much appreciated! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Yes, ENFPs are wonderful! We share our functions in the same order, just inverted. INFJs are Ni-Fe-Ti-Se, while ENFPs are Ne-Fi-Te-Si. We kind of cover each other’s blind spot in a way. We have completely different functions but we can still work together because of the similar order. Thank you for your advice, I will keep on improving myself until something happens when I least expect it! Take care.

      Seize the day!
      Ryan

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Hello there!

    I really get where you are coming from… I feel exactly the same, and just as I thought I had found the one, she left for another person. But the strange thing is we still feel the same connection and still talk everyday, which always makes me wonder if it is because she is blind and does love me or if it is just that we are simply soulmates and feel that we have to be in each other’s life, no matter how. But meeting her made me more confident that even if it takes time, I can find the person I will spend the rest of my days with. So love yourself, and who you are!

    Also, I have a friend who is an INFJ and a man, and he found his true love and they are now happily married! You’ll be find her ๐Ÿ™‚

    I hope you have a wonderful day!
    Much love,
    Sacha

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hello, and thanks for stopping by! Your comment is much appreciated. ๐Ÿ™‚

      I think what you have written here is very wise. Learning to truly love myself has been one of my greatest issues in life. I am, without a doubt, my own worst critic/enemy.

      I would love to be friends with another male INFJ! I think that would be a true friendship with absolutely no strings attached.

      I appreciate your kind words about finding “the one”! There is nothing wrong with waiting until someone truly right for you comes along. So until then, may the both of us feel fulfilled living our own lives! Take care, friend.

      Seize the day!
      Ryan

      Liked by 1 person

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