XX. Loneliness

Hey, dearest reader! Hope your weekend went well.

In this post I’d like to talk about loneliness. This is an tricky subject for me, and I’m sure other INFJs can relate to this as well.

To put it in a sentence, my loneliness has nothing to do with the amount of people around me. I can be alone and not feel lonely– in fact, much of my alone time is actually very energizing. I can also be completely surrounded by people and feel a very crippling sense of loneliness. So what is the determining factor, then?

The biggest factor for me is how well I feel I am connecting with the people around me. I would much rather have a small handful of quality connections rather than a massive amount of surface friendships.

When I have those kindred spirits around me, I am truly content with life; when I don’t, I feel very empty. Having lots of surface friendships actually makes that feeling of emptiness worse. If only there was a way to trade in dozens of acquaintances for one lifelong friend…

What do you all think? How do you combat the feeling of loneliness? I’d love to hear what you have to say in the comment section. Talk to you all soon!

Seize the day!
Ryan
13 November 2016 6:09 PM

 

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8 thoughts on “XX. Loneliness

  1. I understand that feeling of loneliness that can happen when I am surrounded by others. I am fortunate to have a couple of close friends and my son who totally “get” me. That makes all the difference.

    Liked by 1 person

      • From the point of view of a ENFJ (granted not VERY E), I think this problem of 100 acquaintances is a problem for extroverts too. I can easily make 100 acquaintances (you should see my facebook friends…) and I’m unfailing interested in a one on one conversation with any of them — yet often you meet people in group situations which do not allow that deeper connection to develop or be articulated. THat, to me, is boring and lacks meaning alot of the time (unless it is a birthday party or we are engaged in a group activity that is meaningful like prayer, reading group, planned discussion or class on an important topic). One of the things I appreciate about my more introverted friends is that one on one connection, that really breaks through loneliness. But it is difficult to make those friends — you wouldn’t believe how great it is to receive an invite from an introverted friend to have a coffee or something, because then you know it is reciprocated. Sometimes my wonderful introverted friends and family can give off the impression they are not interested… and no one wants to be forcing something that is not there. Great blog Ryan!

        Liked by 1 person

        • Thank you for the praise, it is much appreciated! 🙂

          I agree with everything that you said. I think the problems that INFJs face are not mutually exclusive to their type– perhaps just perceived in different ways.

          As for your point about the close introverts to you giving off the impression of not being interested, I think I can perhaps help explain that. I have had situations where certain friends have stopped asking me to do things with them because I kept telling them that I was busy or needed time to myself. I think some people take that as me trying to let them down easy that I’m not so interested in them, but I really do need that time to myself sometimes. I know it’s frustrating from the outside because it’s not easy to figure out whether the person is still recharging their batteries or genuinely not interested in doing things with you. I would suggest having a conversation about it if you really wanted to know. Hope that helped. 🙂

          Seize the day!
          Ryan

          Liked by 1 person

          • Sounds like an awkward conversation! I saw a great t-shirt the other day… slogan was “I came, I saw, I made it awkward” sounds like me all over… except I think infjs and infjs have a remarkable tolerance for things other people find awkward.

            Liked by 1 person

            • I agree, because INFJs tend to be very awkward and out of place themselves. I think INFJs actually like some of those awkward topics should they find a decent conversation partner!

              Yes, it’s not the most pleasant conversation, but it helps distinguish whether you are wasting your time on a person or whether they’re interested and need to recharge– especially if you’re wondering about a more introverted type. But that is just my opinion, of course. Everybody is different. 🙂

              Seize the day!
              Ryan

              Like

  2. Yes I think sometimes those awkward conversations are worth having, hence why the t-shirt was recommended to me! Where are you based though Ryan? I think there are cultural differences … I find people from North America are more direct than my fellow New Zealanders!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am from the U S of A! I noticed that with a friend I have from England as well. It seems that Americans tend to be more direct than in some other cultures. Truthfully I am not well informed on the culture of New Zealand so I have no idea how to best approach the introverts there. 🙂

      Seize the day!
      Ryan

      Like

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